Monday, March 30, 2009

everything has changed.
thigns would never be what it w0uld be,
n0 matter h0w hard y0u try t0 change it.

we live t0 experience everything.
by the age 0f 2,
i kn0w i have l0st it all.
n0thing bel0ngs t0 me ever since 1993.

i d0n;t expect i w0uld get anything back.
it's imp0ssible.
i just have t0 learn t0 c0ntr0l h0w i feel.
i just need s0me0ne wh0 can understand.

but i d0n't have it all.

m0nkEmpIre`* 11:32 PM

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Sunday, March 15, 2009

she wants me t0 help my sis install her new lappy.
but h0w?
d0esn't she kn0w that i didn't take c0mputer engineering?
and mine is a mac.
must i kn0w?
she blames me.

everything w0uld n0t be the same i if have g0tten int0 a jc.

this wh0le day,
she has been talking ab0ut my sis's new lappy.
i did my hw until i feel sh0 sick.
but d0es she kn0w?
she blames me.

my parents' impressi0n and liking 0f me st0pped when i entered p0ly.
they see n0thing after that.
my hardw0rk,
my eff0rt,
my feelings.
n0ne.
and she blames me f0r,
everything.

m0nkEmpIre`* 9:37 PM

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pe0ple always say 'im sh0 lucky t0 be b0rn with0ut defects, t0 be n0rmal'.
but why?
many pe0ple l00k d0wn 0n MINDS.
but why? they are actually a l0t better than us.
in many ways.
they are n0t t00pid.
they are just simple-minded.
y0u d0n't have t0 w0rry that they will betray y0u 0ne day,
'cause they will d0n't have the ability.

i 0nce went t0 MINDS.
that was the m0st simple day i had.
even th0ugh they are 0lder than y0u,
they call y0u 'g0r g0r' and 'jie jie'.
their simple and truthful laughter,
w0uld be the m0st satisfying music y0u hear in y0ur wh0le life.
when y0u play with them,
y0u will then realise what is purity.

s0metimes,
i truly admire them.
why can they live in such simple w0rld 0f theirs,
and i have t0 w0rry ab0ut everything that n0t actually c0ncerns me?
w0uldn't it be nice if i have mem0ry l0ss?

m0nkEmpIre`* 10:46 AM

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Monday, March 2, 2009

my sis's birthday. we b0ught a zinc bag and a panda f0r her. at first, she did n0t menti0n what she wanted and s0, we decided what t0 get f0r her. we remembered very clearly that she said she wanted a panda, s0 that did n0t b0thered us a l0t. but a week bef0re her birthday, she said she wanted care bear. and fr0m then 0n, my mum keep b0thering me ab0ut what t0 d0. 0n saturday, we gave my sis her birthday presents as she kept asking f0 them. she l00ks rather disapp0inted when she saw that we gave her a bag.

after that, my mum keep saying that she feels bad f0r buying her a cheap present and said that the mem0ry card that they b0ught me is really expensive. why d0 they care s0 much ab0ut the price? i rememberd last year, she b0ught me a present that c0st $80 and g0t a present that c0st $160 f0r my sis. and at that p0int 0f time, she said "it's the th0ught that c0unts, n0t the m0ney. d0n't b0ther ab0ut h0w much i spent 0n y0ur sis's present." did she kn0w h0w i felt? and n0w, she's fretting because she felt that her gift is cheap when the difference is n0t as big.

i just realised that pe0ple ar0und me ign0res h0w i feels. they may be my family. but what d0 they care? d0n't they kn0w that i hate hiding in that c0rner, seeing that my sis gets all the attenti0n. n hey! dad, please d0n't try t0 put 0n a sh0w in fr0nt 0f me. i d0n't need y0ur c0ncern since i d0n't have it right after sis exist.

m0nkEmpIre`* 11:27 PM

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