4th 0f june, my grandm0ther's birthday. even untill t0day, 0nly 0ur family remembers it and the 0nly family wh0 celebrated it.
she had l0ved my uncle s0 much, sp0ns0red him t0 buy a car. she w0uld rather g0 t0 their h0use rather than 0urs. t0day, they c0uldn't even remember her birthday.
there were 0nly seven 0r us, celebrating with0ut a birthday cake. h0pe that she w0uld realise whether my uncle is w0rth.
i'm j0ining Y0G. th0ugh i still d0n't kn0w if i can g0 f0r the training. i just wanted t0 share this with my mummy. instead 0f enc0uraging me, she said, 'in this way, y0u will neglect y0ur w0rk.' is it s0 difficult t0 say s0mething nice?
if she cares s0 much ab0ut my w0rk, why d0esn't she care whether i have de facilities?
i remembered, bef0re 0ur deskt0p went dead, i t0ld my sis that she can use my lappy. but she d0esn't want, 'cause she wanted a new lappy. when 0ur deskt0p dr0pped dead, she still insist 0f n0t using my lappy.
my parents then, say that i'm the 0ne wh0 d0esn't want t0 share. and n0w, they claim that they didn't want t0 buy f0r her, but b0ught it f0r emergency. why d0 i find it funny?
n0w, they expect me t0 use my sis lappy. i can 0nly say that i'm very s0rry, but i can't.
and why d0 they keep c0mplaining that they are p00r? i didn't even ask f0r anything. i have already tried my very best t0 save up f0r them. when was the last time they b0ught s0mething f0r me? i can't remember. all the things that i wanted, i save and b0ught it myself. what m0re d0 they want fr0m me? t0 die? s0 that they d0n't need t0 pr0vide f00d and l0dging f0r me? 0r save up 0n the sch00l fees?
i didn't ask f0r a new lappy. neither did i ask y0u t0 pay f0r repairing the deskt0p. can y0u please st0p all that y0u are saying? i have been trying t0 s0lve the pr0blem myself. i d0n't expect anything fr0m y0u. s0, please, can y0u st0p c0mplaining.
they make me fret all the things under the w0rld. i seri0usly can't take it.
i came up0n a lyrics that interest me again. s0, i did 'ctrl c' and 'ctrl v'. just t0 share share. if y0u are interested h0w it s0unds, http://www.haoting.com/htmusic/347934ht.htm
it's back. the same pr0blems. why s0metimes pe0ple just d0n't understand? it's because every0ne just think 0f what they feel, never putting themselves int0 0thers' sh0es. it's better when they d0n't suggest anything. when they suggest, it will s0und like everything is my fault.
n0w i kn0w why ishaq sm0ke. i understand why pe0ple drink, excessively. pe0ple fight against all 0dds, just t0 live l0nger. in the end, n0b0dy will ever win.
my mum b0ught everything f0r my sis. when i request f0r anything, she w0uld say she c0uld n0t aff0rd.
this was what i saw yesterday night. why d0es it feel s0 real? will it bec0me the reality? if s0, will it be c0ming s00n?
what d0 i actually need in life? n0thing seems t0 please me. is it because anything? 0r is it just my pr0blem?
everything that happened, i tried t0 h0ld back my true self. i never want t0 sh0w what i feel, 0r even what i think. (th0ugh i'm bl0gging) sh0, there's s0me advice t0 pe0ple wh0 thinks that they kn0w me, y0u actually d0n't.
i may seem happy t0 y0u, but y0u may n0t kn0w. i c0nceal.
that time, i was really struggling. just a few a days ag0, i realised h0w easy it actually was. it used t0 hurt a l0t. i d0n't feel the pain, n0t because i m numb, but because i d0n't feel l0ve 0r hatred. with0ut accidental menti0n 0f it, i w0uld n0t even have recalled.
isn't this great? this is the furthest a human can g0. with0ut feeling l0ve 0r hatred, the pers0n d0esn't stand a place in y0ur heart.
n0w, i realise that time really washes everything away n0 matter what happens, this is h0w things are.
feelings n mem0reis fade. whatever stays create the r0ute where n0thing ab0ut y0u matters.
this is a very c0mm0n thing that happens in my family. my dad always buy ice cream. f0r my mum, my sis, and himself. my mum wud ask me t0 share with her. but what's the p0int? it's n0t meant f0r me.
when i rejected my mum's 0ffer, she w0uld say that i d0n't share the same spirit as the family. but can any0ne teach me h0w t0? it already feels terrible. am i supp0sed t0 be happy?
anyway, it's 0kay. i will just remember all these. so, mummy please d0n't expect me t0 like dad. it's n0t that i d0n't want but it's just that i seri0usly cant.
if t0day, it's my sis wh0 wanted t0 g0 f0r study trip, w0uld he be able t0 aff0rd? i w0nder...
study trip t0 Eur0pe? what m0re can i say? angie asked me t0 g0 al0ng. it's n0t a matter 0f want 0r d0n't want, it's whether i can 0r can't.
i have already expected the answer n0t as disapp0inted as i think. what can i expect? it's my life. i can't blame my parents. it's n0t their fault. it's mine, th0ugh i didn't ch00se it.
anyway, s0metimes, pe0ple d0n't mean what they say and, these are called white lies. but the w0rd 'lies' still suggests that they are lying. it still d0esn't feel g00d when y0u are being treated that way.
hmm...initially, i th0ught that, f0r my bl0g, i w0uldn't talk ab0ut what i did in the day. but this w0uld be an excepti0n.
t0day, after gr0up w0rk, i went 0ut f0r lunch, with kenny. yes, kenny. we were sitting in fr0nt 0f a stall which sell curry chicken n00dle. (since this isn't a nice incident, i w0uldn't name it, 0r l0cate it.)
when we were chatting, i was l00king at the stall. then i saw a grey l0ng thing hanging 0ut in between the cabinet and the fl00r. it was m0ving.
then, i asked kenny what was it. he asked me whther i saw it m0ving and i said yes. then his answer was, it's a rat. arrrggghhhhhh....
at first, we asked the uncle 0ut and tried t0 talk t0 him ab0ut it. the, this was what the uncle said, 'aiya, it's very c0mm0n. the rats c0me here every night. if i chase it 0ut n0w, it will scare the cust0mers away.'
s0, we just sat and c0ntinue 0ut c0nversati0n. suddenly we heard a splash, and see sm0ke. that's h0t water. and besides, we saw a rat that is bigger than the size 0f my palm, scampering acr0ss and 0ut 0f sight. eewwww...
this m0rning i went 0ut f0r breakfast and this was what i saw:
there are tw0 girls, 0ne y0unger than the 0ther by at m0st three years. the y0unger girl had been playing with a handph0ne f0r rather l0ng. then, she passed the ph0ne t0 her elder sister as she had ask t0 b0rr0w. juz f0r n0t m0re than a minute, the y0unger sister started crying and demanded the ph0ne back.
0f c0urse, the elder girl felt unfair. and did n0t want t0 give it t0 her sister. and since that, the y0unger girl kicked her sister, and cried even l0uder. then their m0ther came. with0ut trying t0 find 0ut the truth, she whacked the elder girl.
what i wanted t0 say is, why are all parents like that? juz because 0f the small age gap, the elder must give in t0 everything? anything that th y0unger 0nes did wr0ngly, it w0uld be the elder siblings fault? have they th0ught 0f fairness? we didn't asked t0 be b0rn first. can all parents try t0 understand that we are n0t b0rn t0 give in t0 the y0unger 0nes.
after all the accusati0ns, they w0uld c0mplain that we d0n't l0ve 0ur y0unger siblings. but h0w t0. this is n0t the 0nly case that i have came up0n. i can just pray that i w0n't the eldest am0ng my siblings in my next life.
i have n0thing m0re t0 expect.
life will 0nly stay as it is,
n0 matter what i wish f0r,
it will never c0me true.
thanks f0r pe0ple wh0 kn0w me well,
i'm really grateful and,
i truly treasure it.